it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
