I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
even my farts smell like vagina
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
