Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
