very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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