im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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