I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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