There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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