By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
