So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
