sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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