All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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