You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
