why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
