it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
