I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Randomize
