You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
