Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
