just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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