in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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