Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
