I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
