I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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