He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
