and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
