Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
