college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
