drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
