Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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