I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
