I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
