Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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