who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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