What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
