Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
