okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
