U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I want her autograph on my taint
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize