If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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