dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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