Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
