her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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