thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize