Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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