At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
