Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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