Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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