Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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