Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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