please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My vagina is officially offended.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
