Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
