This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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