i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
