Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
