having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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