i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
