Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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