Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(219): View more from Indiana

Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

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(415): View more from California

The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.

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(480): View more from Arizona

West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.

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(530): View more from California

Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.

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(219): View more from Indiana

I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry

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(315): View more from New York

Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years

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(703): View more from Virginia

You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.

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(785): View more from Kansas

yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.

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