He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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