I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
