I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
