After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
