Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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