I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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