ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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