I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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