we're blogging at a bar
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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