hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
