He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
