so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
