He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
