Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
