Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
