I want to walk on stilts...naked
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
