bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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