Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
