it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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